Tuesday, January 20, 2015

26 Weeks

How far along? 26 weeks (as of Saturday).
Baby size in fruit/vegetable: English cucumber.
Total weight gain/loss: Down 2 pounds.  
Maternity clothes? My new wardrobe consists of bulky hospital gowns, sexy granny panties, and fuzzy socks! 
Stretch Marks? No.
Sleep: I basically lost the entire night of sleep when my water broke, and I already wasn't sleeping well before then. So tiredness is definitely catching up! And hospital beds....well, it's just not the same as my bed. The nurses only have to come in every 4 hours to check on vitals and baby girl, so it's not too bad. But 5:00am is basically when the day starts for me. And napping is just hard, so many people coming in and out! I'm ready for a do not disturb sign.
Best moment this week: Well, the best thing this week is just knowing that baby girl is doing so well still and has a chance to stay in for a little while longer! This has been the most crazy week of my life. So emotional and scary. There are a lot of crappy things that have happened, but there could be a lot more. 
Miss Anything? I miss Hyde, my house, and just normal activity.
Movement: I started feeling her less when my water broke (which is normal, there wasn't as much fluid for her to move around in) but, now that she's built that fluid up again, she is back to being her active, strong self! Which every movement is a huge relief, so I love that I can feel her so well.
Food Cravings: Really just pebble ice still (and they've got plenty of it!). I haven't really been into eating the last few days.
Anything making you queasy or sick: Just the antibiotics they have me on. They often make me feel a little nauseous. Overall I'm feeling really great though.
Bump: It's a tiny bit smaller and more lopsided.
Discomforts: My hip pain has really gone down since I'm just in bed all day. But gosh, I get the worst restless feet at night! (Love having those leg compression things) and my tailbone get's so sore from sitting so much. 
Labor signs: Broken water is really the only one! I still leak a little fluid and blood (nothing concerning). I've only had one mild spell of Braxton Hicks since Wednesday. They haven't had to check my cervix again, so I'm assuming it's still closed.
Belly button in or out? Out.
Happy or Moody most of the time: Both. I've been a wreck emotionally this week! I'm just trying really hard to stay positive and take things one day at a time to keep the stress and anxiety level down. If I don't let my mind wildly wonder, I'm pretty calm. 
Looking forward to: Meeting baby girl and getting home to Hyde! It's hard because I would love for her to come now and be able to get out of here, but I know she needs to stay in to mature to be as healthy as can be.
Hospital Update:  There isn't much of an update, but no update is good! Things have been pretty uneventful the last few days. Both baby girl and I are doing really well and staying stable. And that's what we want for the next few weeks, no changes! 

My days consist of:
5:00am heartbeat and vitals check.
6:00am antibiotics dose.
A visit from the daily resident.
7:00am breakfast and nurse switch. (I've had the same nurse almost every day and I love her! All of the nurses have been great, but it's so nice having a familiar face. I wish she could be here everyday 24/7).
A morning NST (non stress test--they just test her heart rate for at least 20 minutes, but I'm usually on for 45 minutes. They look for a steady base line with a few variables) Which is usually followed by an afternoon test as well because baby girl isn't passing the tests. Not because anything is wrong, she's just so little and has so much room to be her active self that they can't keep her on the monitors long enough! A visit from the doctor in charge (I still don't get how that all works).
A quick shower (so glad they let me do that alone).
Vitals and heartbeat checks every 4  hours.
12:00pm lunch (the food here is getting so old! I'm glad I can have whatever outside food I want).
Lots of TV/Netflix, Trivia Crack, Social media, Pinterest, and blog reading.
A few visitors throughout the day. 
5:00pm dinner.
7:00pm nurse switch. 
FaceTime goodnights with my boys. Sean has been sleeping at home. It's a little lonely without him here, but I'd rather him get to be home with Hyde. 
A visit from the night resident.
My last antibiotic dose at 10:00pm.
Sleep interrupted every 4 hours for more vitals and heartbeat checks. 

I haven't been out of my hospital room since Thursday, I'm starting to feel the boredom and stir crazy feelings set it. This is all still so scary and hard. I really could spend all day crying if I let myself, but I'm trying really hard to just take it like it is. I miss Hyde so much. I already feel like our relationship is weakening, and I really miss getting to be with him all day doing mommy/son things. I miss holding and cuddling him and all of his kisses. I feel a huge amount of mom guilt and really can't kick that. I know he's loving life with all the spoiling from his grandmas right now though! He really is in great hands, I just want him to be in my hands. It's crazy how much worry I've been able to let go of since being away from him. Worrying is always something I haven't really been able to control, but with the right mindset (and the fact I don't have a choice), I feel like I've been doing really well. I can't thank everyone who has helped/offered to help enough!

Lots of NSTs!

Hyde brought me flowers and was not happy to be near them.

And Sean brought me this gorgeous arrangement and a new iPad to keep me entertained!

Hyde just doing his breathing exercise for the day.

Thursday, January 15, 2015

Baby Girl's Birth Story -- Part 1

Well, here we are at the hospital! Much sooner than expected. And here we will be for hopefully 8 more weeks. As much as I don't want to be stuck here and hate not being able to be home with Hyde (I've never been away from him for more than maybe 12 hours in the day, never at night! It's already really, really hard), this little lady needs to stay in as long as possible!

My water broke at 2:45am yesterday (Wednesday, January 14th). The scariest thing ever. It was blood tinged too, that's always a terrifying sign. I had just fallen asleep an hour and a half before, and I was having some kind of dream where I was peeing my pants and it woke me up. My bed and pants were soaked! It was very different than when my water broke with Hyde. It was done after the initial leak, with Hyde I continued to drip (a lot) until we got to the hospital and probably longer after that. Sean was still out of town, he was in St. George asleep with his phone on silent, so he didn't even know anything until 7:30am that morning. I called my mom (thank goodness for house phones!) and she took me to the Lakeview Hospital emergency room while my grandma came to my house to sit with Hyde. They admitted me to labor and delivery, checked to make sure it really was amniotic fluid, and when they found out it was they called my midwife. When she came in, she let me know there was nothing they could do and that they would be transferring me to the University of Utah Hospital. They originally wanted to send me by helicopter and I was not stoked on that idea! I don't know why, but it just felt so unsafe and scary! Also, I would have had to go alone and that just makes everything scarier anyway. It was too foggy though, so the flight crew wasn't cleared for take off. Ambulance it was! It was my first trip in an ambulance and it was a fairly calm one. Before they put me on their stretcher and transferred me, my cervix was checked and was closed, and the nurses put two IVs in me (4 painfully, uncomfortable pokes later!) to get antibiotics going. They gave me a steroid shot (most painful/biggest dose of a shot I've ever had) to help her lungs develop quicker and started another IV drip of Magnesium, which has the worst side effects. Almost immediately I was soaking wet with sweat and my entire body was weak (I wasn't allowed to stand up for over 12 hours). It basically makes you feel like you've got the worst flu of your life. By the time we got to the U, the symptoms had basically subsided though.

They admitted me into labor and delivery and started hooking me up immediately. I had no idea what was going to happen. I mean, my water broke, didn't this baby need to come out NOW? My midwife had explained a little, but I still didn't have many answers. I was having regular contractions the entire way to the U, 4 minutes apart. But they weren't the real deal contractions, just the typical tightening I've been having for weeks. And I was just checked by the doctor last Friday, they wanted to make sure my cervix wasn't dilating from these contractions and it wasn't. Everything looked completely fine! So who knows what caused my water to break, the doctors sure don't. They assume some kind of infection, although nothing has shown up. But they have the antibiotics going for ten days just to keep me clear. As the day went on, they checked my cervix two more times (OUCH) and both times it was completely closed. I was still having a little bit of leaking mixed with blood, old blood, so nothing unordinary.

I learned that the amniotic fluid is just baby's pee. So she'll continue to make fluid, and it will most likely continue to leak. There isn't much fluid in there with her, but there is some. I had an ultrasound and everything looked good, she's just under 2lbs. I also learned that she could hang out in there for 8 1/2 more weeks! Even with my water broken, I had no idea. They'll take her at 34 weeks if I haven't already had her. And if I go into labor before then, they can't/won't do anything to stop it. So we just hope that things stay stable for at least a few more weeks and I don't go into labor. The doctor said things could change very quickly at any time, so that's why I'm here on bed rest until I deliver.

I was monitored all day yesterday and we were both stable enough to be moved out of Labor and Delivery to the Women's Special Care Unit, my more (hopefully) permanent room. The bed is so much more comfortable! And it's a lot more peaceful over here. Oh, and I get a window now! They only monitor me once a day here with a stress test (but check her heart with a Doppler machine every few hours), and so far baby is still doing great! She isn't under any stress and is holding on like a champ. I'm also very stable, I haven't felt any contractions since last night, and I have been able to get up on my own (I only have bathroom privileges, fun!) and felt well enough to put some lipstick on. The power of lipstick!

This is all very scary and surreal. I feel so unprepared for this. There was still so much I wanted/needed to do! I've spent most of the morning just crying, trying to let it all sink in and accept it. It isn't supposed to be like this, I shouldn't be here yet. I should be home with my boys and with an unbroken water. For at least 10 more weeks! Everything was going so well with my pregnancy and has been for weeks, so I was really optimistic and hoping for a full term baby. Its just hard. Really, really hard. And it's only been one day! I don't know how I'm going to do it. I miss my little boy! My heart aches to be home playing with him. And it's hard to let go of that control. I'm the one with him all day, I'm the only one who knows his schedule! And I'm the only one who can understand his little language perfectly. But, I obviously have no control over this situation and am so grateful that Hyde has so many amazing grandmas and grandpas that live so close and are SO willing to help! Not to mention tons of family and friends that are ready to help whenever too. They all love him so much, and I couldn't ask for better. I'm lucky. This would be a hell of a lot harder not knowing that Hyde was in good hands. And I'm so happy to have the technology of FaceTime! As well as camera phones that can send me pictures and videos throughout the day. Hyde is allowed to come visit, and will hopefully be up today. It's just still...not the same.

Thinking about the delivery is really hard too. I should get to hold my baby girl as soon as she is out! I should get to start doing skin to skin and trying to nurse. Not have her sent away immediately and go who knows how long without seeing and holding her. Then to have to see her on a ventilator with IVs and a PIC line and whatever else. I should get the birth story pictures I wanted and Hyde should be able to meet his baby sister right away! And to have to be discharged from the hospital without my baby! I should be able to put her in her little going home outfit (that I don't even have yet) and load her in her carseat and not have to come back! Instead, she'll be here until her due date (6 weeks at the least, if I make it to 34 weeks) without me. Obviously we will be up here every day, but it's hard thinking she'll be relying on nurses and doctors more than her parents. And those amazingly,precious newborn days/weeks spent cuddling aren't going to be coming until later.  That being said, I am so grateful, SO GRATEFUL that we are in an amazing hospital with a brilliant NICU team. I know she'll be in the best hands, and I'm just trying to let that make me feel better. I won't even begin to talk about my fears of all of the potential problems. It's going to be hard. Really, really, really hard. Juggling Hyde and a baby in the NICU. Obviously no mother or parent wants to go through any of this, but this is what we are going through and I'm working on coming to terms with that. It won't ever be easy, but staying positive will help.

Hyde came to visit today! It was so SO good to see him! I can't believe how much I could miss him in such a little time. He enjoyed eating crackers, ice, and ice cream, as well as pushing all the buttons on the bed. I'm hoping he'll be able to come up for a bit every day, it really helped me to see him and love on him. And both baby girl and I have done really well today. We had another ultrasound and she passed her little test. I still haven't had any contractions and I'm not leaking much at all. She's built the fluid up more than double of what it was yesterday, so that's good news too! Sean's hanging in there too! He has a lot of work to do and is still tired from his trip, but he's been so supportive, I couldn't do this without him! We'll just continue to take it day by day and hope for the best. The doctors and nurses are really great here. It is a little overwhelming to have so many different faces and names coming around, but they all are very comforting and informative. There are still a lot of unanswered questions, and they will stay that we make it to/through each situation. More updates and feelings to come!


Pebble ice AND Dr. Pepper, my dream food!

Monday, January 12, 2015

25 Weeks

How far along? 25 weeks.
Baby size in fruit/vegetable: Rutabaga (which doesn't make sense to me because that's smaller than the last two weeks. But I just do what the app says!)
Total weight gain/loss: 16 pounds gained.
Maternity clothes? Living in maternity leggings mostly.
Stretch Marks? No.
Sleep: I've been very restless this week. And Braxton Hicks are starting to wake me up at night because they are so tight!
Best moment this week: Doctor's appointment/ultrasound! Baby girl is measuring right on and everything is looking good. She's breech, in the exact same position Hyde was in. Because of my heart shaped uterus, 28 weeks is when they say she'll be stuck in whatever position she's in (if she isn't already). So I'll most likely be having another c section.
Miss Anything? I miss not missing simple things!
Movement: She is getting strong! She kicks and moves a lot in the night, it's starting to wake me up.
Food Cravings: Pebble ice.
Anything making you queasy or sick: Still feeling really faint (low blood pressure) and I've started to get gaggy again this week. But overall, doing pretty well! 
Bump: Starting to stick out more and get even more lopsided.
Discomforts: Hips/legs/back, restless feet at night, tailbone, and acid reflux.
Labor signs: Just more frequent Braxton Hicks. But I'm not dilating at all, so they aren't worried about the.
Belly button in or out? Mostly out now.
Happy or Moody most of the time: Happy.
Looking forward to: Buying baby girl stuff!


Wednesday, January 7, 2015

24 Weeks

How far along? 24 weeks.
Baby size in fruit/vegetable: Eggplant.
Total weight gain/loss: 14 pounds gained.
Maternity clothes? Regular clothes are barely cutting it, mostly wearing maternity clothes.
Stretch Marks? No.
Sleep: Sleeping okay, just never enough! I'm back to feeling really tired again, wishing I could just sleep all day. 
Best moment this week: My friend brought her 3 week old baby boy over and watching Hyde interact with him was the best! He just kept saying "hi bebe" and wanted to rock his carseat and show him his trucks. The next day, he kept saying "more bebe", he's going to be the best big brother!
Miss Anything? I miss not being so winded and tired all the time. 
Movement: I don't know if it's a coincidence or not, but she has been moving a lot more anytime Hyde is around babbling/screaming.
Food Cravings: Pebble ice and watermelon.
Anything making you queasy or sick: I started feeling really faint again this week, pretty much all the time. 
Bump: Growing! I just don't really notice that it is. 
Discomforts: Hips/legs/back, tailbone, and acid reflux.
Labor signs: Braxton Hicks are starting to get really tight and uncomfortable.
Belly button in or out? Mostly out now.
Happy or Moody most of the time: Moody.
Looking forward to: Ultrasound on Friday!

Wednesday, December 31, 2014

23 Weeks

How far along? 23 weeks.
Baby size in fruit/vegetable: Bunch of grapes.
Total weight gain/loss: 12 pounds gained.
Maternity clothes? Got some new maternity shirts for Christmas!
Stretch Marks? No.
Sleep: We got a new bed and I'm sleeping so much better! I can actually stay comfortable for a few hours. 
Best moment this week: Christmas! It was a great time and it's so fun to think about baby girl being with us next year.
Miss Anything? I miss not having heart burn so frequently. 
Movement: Christmas eve was the strongest she's ever been. It's the first time I've actually flinched from her moving.
Food Cravings: Pebble ice and more pebble ice.
Anything making you queasy or sick: Feeling pretty good, there isn't really anything making me sick. Occasionally something I eat will give me worse acid reflux and I still get random spats of gagging.
Bump: I'm still feeling like it's so small! 
Discomforts: Hips/legs/back, tailbone, and acid reflux.
Labor signs: Nothing more than Braxton Hicks.
Belly button in or out? Mostly out now.
Happy or Moody most of the time: Happy with a good amount of moody.
Looking forward to: Ultrasound in a week and a half, it feels forever away!


Friday, December 26, 2014

22 Weeks

How far along? 22 weeks.
Baby size in fruit/vegetable: Spaghetti Squash.
Total weight gain/loss: 11 pounds gained.
Maternity clothes? Adding more maternity shirts to the mix.
Stretch Marks? No.
Sleep: It is so hard to stay comfortable at night! I still feel like I toss and turn all night.
Best moment this week: Ultrasound! Baby girl is doing so well and I don't have any new bleeding! The blood clot I have is shrinking, and I'm off modified bed rest. Woo!
Miss Anything? I miss sleeping.
Movement: It seems like she's starting to get on more of a schedule. She still moves the most at night.
Food Cravings: Pebble ice and Reece's Christmas tress (they are so much better in tree form!).
Anything making you queasy or sick: I've been feeling a lot better overall, but I've started getting a little gaggy again in the night.
Bump: Still so little, but growing.
Discomforts: Hips and tailbone are getting worse and worse.
Labor signs: Lots of Braxton hicks throughout the day.
Belly button in or out? Mostly out now.
Happy or Moody most of the time: Happy! I'm feeling so much less stress knowing things are going so well.
Looking forward to: Christmas!