Well, here we are at the hospital! Much sooner than expected. And here we will be for hopefully 8 more weeks. As much as I don't want to be stuck here and hate not being able to be home with Hyde (I've never been away from him for more than maybe 12 hours in the day, never at night! It's already really, really hard), this little lady needs to stay in as long as possible!
My water broke at 2:45am yesterday (Wednesday, January 14th). The scariest thing ever. It was blood tinged too, that's always a terrifying sign. I had just fallen asleep an hour and a half before, and I was having some kind of dream where I was peeing my pants and it woke me up. My bed and pants were soaked! It was very different than when my water broke with Hyde. It was done after the initial leak, with Hyde I continued to drip (a lot) until we got to the hospital and probably longer after that. Sean was still out of town, he was in St. George asleep with his phone on silent, so he didn't even know anything until 7:30am that morning. I called my mom (thank goodness for house phones!) and she took me to the Lakeview Hospital emergency room while my grandma came to my house to sit with Hyde. They admitted me to labor and delivery, checked to make sure it really was amniotic fluid, and when they found out it was they called my midwife. When she came in, she let me know there was nothing they could do and that they would be transferring me to the University of Utah Hospital. They originally wanted to send me by helicopter and I was not stoked on that idea! I don't know why, but it just felt so unsafe and scary! Also, I would have had to go alone and that just makes everything scarier anyway. It was too foggy though, so the flight crew wasn't cleared for take off. Ambulance it was! It was my first trip in an ambulance and it was a fairly calm one. Before they put me on their stretcher and transferred me, my cervix was checked and was closed, and the nurses put two IVs in me (4 painfully, uncomfortable pokes later!) to get antibiotics going. They gave me a steroid shot (most painful/biggest dose of a shot I've ever had) to help her lungs develop quicker and started another IV drip of Magnesium, which has the worst side effects. Almost immediately I was soaking wet with sweat and my entire body was weak (I wasn't allowed to stand up for over 12 hours). It basically makes you feel like you've got the worst flu of your life. By the time we got to the U, the symptoms had basically subsided though.
They admitted me into labor and delivery and started hooking me up immediately. I had no idea what was going to happen. I mean, my water broke, didn't this baby need to come out NOW? My midwife had explained a little, but I still didn't have many answers. I was having regular contractions the entire way to the U, 4 minutes apart. But they weren't the real deal contractions, just the typical tightening I've been having for weeks. And I was just checked by the doctor last Friday, they wanted to make sure my cervix wasn't dilating from these contractions and it wasn't. Everything looked completely fine! So who knows what caused my water to break, the doctors sure don't. They assume some kind of infection, although nothing has shown up. But they have the antibiotics going for ten days just to keep me clear. As the day went on, they checked my cervix two more times (OUCH) and both times it was completely closed. I was still having a little bit of leaking mixed with blood, old blood, so nothing unordinary.
I learned that the amniotic fluid is just baby's pee. So she'll continue to make fluid, and it will most likely continue to leak. There isn't much fluid in there with her, but there is some. I had an ultrasound and everything looked good, she's just under 2lbs. I also learned that she could hang out in there for 8 1/2 more weeks! Even with my water broken, I had no idea. They'll take her at 34 weeks if I haven't already had her. And if I go into labor before then, they can't/won't do anything to stop it. So we just hope that things stay stable for at least a few more weeks and I don't go into labor. The doctor said things could change very quickly at any time, so that's why I'm here on bed rest until I deliver.
I was monitored all day yesterday and we were both stable enough to be moved out of Labor and Delivery to the Women's Special Care Unit, my more (hopefully) permanent room. The bed is so much more comfortable! And it's a lot more peaceful over here. Oh, and I get a window now! They only monitor me once a day here with a stress test (but check her heart with a Doppler machine every few hours), and so far baby is still doing great! She isn't under any stress and is holding on like a champ. I'm also very stable, I haven't felt any contractions since last night, and I have been able to get up on my own (I only have bathroom privileges, fun!) and felt well enough to put some lipstick on. The power of lipstick!
This is all very scary and surreal. I feel so unprepared for this. There was still so much I wanted/needed to do! I've spent most of the morning just crying, trying to let it all sink in and accept it. It isn't supposed to be like this, I shouldn't be here yet. I should be home with my boys and with an unbroken water. For at least 10 more weeks! Everything was going so well with my pregnancy and has been for weeks, so I was really optimistic and hoping for a full term baby. Its just hard. Really, really hard. And it's only been one day! I don't know how I'm going to do it. I miss my little boy! My heart aches to be home playing with him. And it's hard to let go of that control. I'm the one with him all day, I'm the only one who knows his schedule! And I'm the only one who can understand his little language perfectly. But, I obviously have no control over this situation and am so grateful that Hyde has so many amazing grandmas and grandpas that live so close and are SO willing to help! Not to mention tons of family and friends that are ready to help whenever too. They all love him so much, and I couldn't ask for better. I'm lucky. This would be a hell of a lot harder not knowing that Hyde was in good hands. And I'm so happy to have the technology of FaceTime! As well as camera phones that can send me pictures and videos throughout the day. Hyde is allowed to come visit, and will hopefully be up today. It's just still...not the same.
Thinking about the delivery is really hard too. I should get to hold my baby girl as soon as she is out! I should get to start doing skin to skin and trying to nurse. Not have her sent away immediately and go who knows how long without seeing and holding her. Then to have to see her on a ventilator with IVs and a PIC line and whatever else. I should get the birth story pictures I wanted and Hyde should be able to meet his baby sister right away! And to have to be discharged from the hospital without my baby! I should be able to put her in her little going home outfit (that I don't even have yet) and load her in her carseat and not have to come back! Instead, she'll be here until her due date (6 weeks at the least, if I make it to 34 weeks) without me. Obviously we will be up here every day, but it's hard thinking she'll be relying on nurses and doctors more than her parents. And those amazingly,precious newborn days/weeks spent cuddling aren't going to be coming until later. That being said, I am so grateful, SO GRATEFUL that we are in an amazing hospital with a brilliant NICU team. I know she'll be in the best hands, and I'm just trying to let that make me feel better. I won't even begin to talk about my fears of all of the potential problems. It's going to be hard. Really, really, really hard. Juggling Hyde and a baby in the NICU. Obviously no mother or parent wants to go through any of this, but this is what we are going through and I'm working on coming to terms with that. It won't ever be easy, but staying positive will help.
Hyde came to visit today! It was so SO good to see him! I can't believe how much I could miss him in such a little time. He enjoyed eating crackers, ice, and ice cream, as well as pushing all the buttons on the bed. I'm hoping he'll be able to come up for a bit every day, it really helped me to see him and love on him. And both baby girl and I have done really well today. We had another ultrasound and she passed her little test. I still haven't had any contractions and I'm not leaking much at all. She's built the fluid up more than double of what it was yesterday, so that's good news too! Sean's hanging in there too! He has a lot of work to do and is still tired from his trip, but he's been so supportive, I couldn't do this without him! We'll just continue to take it day by day and hope for the best. The doctors and nurses are really great here. It is a little overwhelming to have so many different faces and names coming around, but they all are very comforting and informative. There are still a lot of unanswered questions, and they will stay that we make it to/through each situation. More updates and feelings to come!
Pebble ice AND Dr. Pepper, my dream food!
You are amazing! Hang in there! Xoxo
ReplyDelete